Baby I love you and
I'll never let you go
But if I have to
boy I think that you should know
All the love we made
can never be erased
And I promise you that
you will never be replaced
*REPEAT
I love you, yes I do
I'll be with you
as long as you want me to
Until the end of time
From the day I met you
I knew we'd be together
And now I know
I wanna be with you forever
I wanna marry you,
and I wanna have your kids
It can never compare
to the feeling of your kisses
I can say I'm truly happy to this day
You make me thank God that
I live my life everyday
There's never been a doubt, in my mind
That I regret ever
having you by my side
But if the day comes that
I have to let you go
I think there's something
I should probably let you know
Enjoyed everyday, that I spend with you
And I wont miss you
cause I'm happy that I had you at all
*REPEAT x2
I love you, yes I do
I'll be with you
as long as you want me to
Until the end of time
Sunday, November 4, 2007; 19:23
i miss you so much hubby =')
3 November '07
My day started at 1pm. I was sleeping and woken up at the same time by my brother, after his countless efforts of waking me up.
My dad wanted to bring my brother and I to a restaurant to eat. My first reaction was.. Why does he want to do that? Doesn't he love me anymore? Aren't we're strangers? Aren't I'm an outcaste? What does he want? Didn't he said he wash his hands off me? I don't know what he is thinking, I just went for it for my brother's sake.
Sometimes I can sense that, my dad is using my brother as a substitute for me. He wants my brother to let him feel the times I had with my dad. And the laughter I gave to him. He can claim that he set my brother as a priority, but in his heart, he is waiting for my answer to be his top priority.
From the time I stepped out of the house to the time when I had a meal with my dad, there was no sentence or word spoken to each other.
Well, we talked after meal, I was feeling happier.. I felt love at the same time too.
How I do that? The reason I think should be is.. I was able to let go some of my grudges. It felt better though. xDD
_________________________________
My phone card ran out of $$. I can't sms anymore. I really do miss him. I also need it for work. Haiz, my communication of the world has been cut. My computer has failed me. It died 3 days ago.
Sometimes, you may have difficulties reading my post. Use your CM to link them. That should work. Eg. "My computer has failed me." It meant that I couldn't use MSN to connect with the outside world. How it is linked to the communication has broken down? My phone card has no more $$, can't call or sms. No MSN to connect to people. Now, try to make sense..
Perhaps, one missing element to understand my post is to understand me. No one really understands me well. Except for one? HIM.
I have given thoughts of my life. What do I really want? Should I continue with him? Why is it always ME that my mom is upset about? How should I react in different situations? What are the personalities that I desire? What do I really like and hate? Do I really detest the world a lot? Why is it I am this way now? Why am I feeling tortured by my past? Do I really need to cry just because of my past? The UPSET I feel now, why is it affecting me? Why I am so indecisive? Why I am lack of so many important traits? Why can't I be happy with others? Why can't I let go of my upset past? Why everything is trapped in my heart? What are the things that I can't let go? What am I doing?
There are many questions I asked myself. But, it would be a long list of it. I could only answered some of the questions. The guilt and fear I felt last year were brought to this year. I let it haunt me as I was too depressed. That's why I am upset about my past. That's why I can't let go of my past. That's why I can't be truely happy with others. That's why I don't know what am I doing. That's why I am letting it affecting it. That's why I am this way. That's why I am crying. That's why I feeling tortured. That's why I detest the world a lot.
Should I continue with him? Yes, I should. I could only experience true happiness when I'm with him. I can laugh without faking with him. And I feel, I can make an impact for both our lives.
There are many good traits I've lost together with my smile. I'm trying to retrieve it back. I did retrieve some. And gained something new at the same time. My mind is much more focused when I'm in "work"
I feel that I shouldn't say too much to people. I find it too irritating when the words spread. Keeping quiet, an effective tool to protect oneself. Let my emotions talk to people, and not my mouth.
I want $$, career and a family of my own. I want my dreams to be fulfilled. I desire more REWARDS and less EFFORTS. What career I want? Business, Design(IT/MUSIC/CLOTHES), Service(AIR STEWARDESS) These are the 3 things I can go to. They are suited in my working values. HIGH INCOME, SOMETHING THAT SUIT MY INTEREST
Practically, I've sorted out my thoughts in MYSELF barrier. As for my family, I haven't sorted that out. I need time for it. That concern 3 people. My mom, dad and me.
As for my relationship, I have sorted it out. There is still a year we both need to wait. Maybe, we should keep a distance for the time being barhs? After my 'O', we meet our parents and be officially together. If we really meant to be together, let that be a test. We can still talk and go out like what we used to. Just that, we have to keep a 'distance' away barhs. It is a very tough decision I made. I love him. I can't bear to leave him. I want to be with him every moment that is given.
My studies have been settled. I'm more focused in what I am doing. I do not need to worry that. The only thing I need to worry is my prelim results. And the 'O' results. I need to get 10>
My routine? Hahas!~ I've given thought of that too. I should sleep before 12am so that I don't have eyebags and panda eyes. I wake up before 10am in the holidays and 5.45am during school days. Next year, I might be coming home at 5pm everyday. So, I will study at 8pm till 11pm. If I'm in the night study programme, I will be home at 9pm. I will just take a rest and resume my study at 5am. It's kind of stressful and requires a lot of discipline. I'm using the spirit I have in the first 5 months of '07. Even though I'm stressed, I get it through and the quality of work is GOOD too. That is what I call, GOOD DISCIPLINE. xDD
The emotions in me are wild. I feel so emotionless. I don't feel happy, neither do I feel sad. I feel emptiness and fullness at the same time. I can be worried for my mom and not too. I feel both the opposites. Now, only music can solve me problems..
Sunday, November 4, 2007; 19:23
i miss you so much hubby =')